Your 2015 NHL Playoff bandwagon guide
True story: when I went to write this, I realized I had forgotten the password to this blog. It’s been a while since I’ve liked hockey or writing or writing about hockey (feel free to ask… in private) but I think I am back now. And this is a blog tradition, so here you go, in order of their finish in the league standings, reasons to bandwagon each team in the playoffs this spring.
- New York Rangers: Perhaps you did not know this, but a lot of people hate the New York Rangers. You did not know this? Have you ever communicated with another human? Anyway, if you can stomach it, you should cheer for this team because they’re probably going to go far. Safe horse to bet on.
- Montreal Canadiens: Because Carey Price needs a Conn Smythe to go with his Jennings and Hart and Vezina and cowboy handsomeness. And because the longer you get to watch P.K. Subban play, the better your quality of life is. It’s science.
- Anaheim Ducks: Ew. Um… go California hockey, most of the hockey writers haven’t seen the sun since August and they’re looking translucent.
- St. Louis Blues: Because David Backes rescues puppies (do not look at any of my previous bandwagon guides this is totally not the reason I use every single year).
- Tampa Bay Lightning: Because they are Tampa Bay Likable. Seriously is there anything to hate about this team?
- Nashville Predators: Reminder that Mike Ribeiro is being accused of sexual assault and the media keeps writing Mike Ribeiro Redemption storylines and glossing over that part.
- Chicago Blackhawks: So over anyone hating on Jonathan Toews and saying his face looks like a foot and he’s whiny and tantrumy or whatever. He’s Jonathan Toews and he is better than you, unless you’re, like, Sidney Crosby, so go away.
- Vancouver Canucks: Remember a few years ago when their fan base was the most obnoxiously annoying one in the universe? Not anymore! The team and fans are kind of fun now. Go not-really-underdog-underdog team!
- Washington Capitals: Much like Tampa Bay, they’re a really likable team. Also if you’ve had enough of bad writing about Ovechkin and how he isn’t magnificent… I am sorry to tell you that even if this team wins the Stanley Cup and he wins the Conn Smythe that horse shit is not going away.
- New York Islanders: Because come on how fun would it be to see them beat the Rangers?
- Minnesota Wild: Because their insecure fans might be marginally less annoying if they get some wins. On the other hand, they might get worse. How about just don’t bandwagon this team and find another one.
- Detroit Red Wings: It is in your best interest that your rival team not sign Mike Babcock this summer. You want Detroit to win lots of games and entice him to stay. This won’t happen, but just so you know in case the Leafs or Bruins get him, the rest of us have gotten together and signed a secret agreement to blame you for not bandwagoning the Red Wings hard enough.
- Ottawa Senators: If you like underdog stories or feel-good stories, have we got the team for you! But if you have been a sports fan for any length of time and you know that dreams are only there to be crushed… well, have we got the team for you!
- Winnipeg Jets: There is no such thing as “deserve” no matter how long a playoff drought or a “having an existing team” drought a city has been through. But these fans can be obnoxious jerks sometimes and we all know jerks are irresistible… for a little while until you get your self-esteem back. Wait are we still talking about hockey?
- Pittsburgh Penguins: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Okay but I found like five or six Penguins fans I do not want to keelhaul and I love them very much so… I’ll still say nothing at all.
- Calgary Flames: We thought it would be good for Slava Voynov to be around his teammates when LA violated the terms of his NHL suspension, the Kings GM said. K BYE, the Flames said. Go Flames.