If she’d just lose some weight…
This will come a shock to exactly nobody, but I’ve been holding myself back from doing a lot of things because I haven’t felt good about myself. I always figured I would need to get to goal weight before I did any of the things I wanted: change jobs, change cities, wear nice clothes, date, etc. I don’t know why goal weight was so important to get the ball rolling on… well, my life, but I would put down every cent of my almost non-existent savings that most people who have ever battled with weight issues have done or still do the same thing.
I gained a lot of weight this winter, some of it injury weight, and some depression weight. I see you nodding. over there, and am sending hugs your way. I’ve started to lose some of it back already, with running, or sloooooooooowly jogging who am I kidding, watching what I eat, and a Mediterranean vacation (it’s magical, you guys. All the food is good and good for you and I’m not even lactose intolerant in Greece). This time around, I decided not to wait for goal weight to go out there and do things. So I’m having to try to unthink the “I’m fat, so I can’t…” voice in my head. Why does it feel like we don’t deserve good things because we’re overweight?
Probably because one dumb jerk told us so, even though hundreds of people keep telling us the opposite. One dumb jerk said (in front of me, about another girl) that he thought she was pretty but not overall attractive because she is overweight. One dumb jerk told someone I know that losing a few pounds would go a long way towards advancing her career. One dumb jerk (whom I’ve since distanced myself from) told one of my friends that he knew a mutual friend liked him but that he wouldn’t go for her because she’s overweight and he doesn’t find it attractive. Hell, one dumb jerk probably told someone something like that about me recently. We’ve heard it all our lives. “She’d be so pretty if she just lose some weight.” “She’d be getting all the guys banging on her door if she would just lose some weight.” And I have some questions about this:
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become smarter?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become more interesting?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become funnier?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become kinder?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become more compassionate?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become more generous?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become braver?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become more educated?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she become more capable at her job?
If she’d just lose some weight, would she suddenly have new professional skills?
If she’d just lose some weight, would anything about her change other than her weight?
No. It wouldn’t.
All of this goes for men, too, by the way. This is a common female experience, but not unique to women. I’ve talked about this with a bunch of guys, too.
Has anyone ever made you feel this way? Let’s do a new thing, together, then. Maybe instead of leaving it up to a shallow jerk to decide whether you’re desirable or not based on the number on the scale, you turn the tables and decide who’s undesirable yourself. If someone is shallow enough to let a few extra pounds hide all of the good things about you, all of the things that actually matter about you, then maybe they’re undesirable, unattractive, and ugly. Maybe they’ve been the undesirable one all along, and just made you feel that way because they don’t want to look themselves in the mirror and face their own awfulness.
And you have no time for awful people in your life.