Your 2013 NHL Playoff Bandwagon Guide
So your team didn’t make the NHL playoffs. I’m really sorry to hear that. In some cases. Like maybe about 15 per cent of cases. In any case, that doesn’t mean you have to stop watching hockey for the year. After all, it was a shortened season, so take what you can get.
But who to cheer for? Which team should you get emotionally invested in for two weeks until they inevitably disappoint you?
Here, in the order of their league finish, are all the teams that are in the postseason, with at least one reason to root for each one.
- Chicago Blackhawks: Honestly if you’re not about these guys, I don’t want to know you. Jonathan Toews. Jonathan Toews. JONATHAN TOEWS.
- Pittsburgh Penguins: Because you want to see Jarome Iginla finally win a Stanley Cup. Other than that, fuck those guys.
- Anaheim Ducks: Teemu is the answer to every question.
- Montreal Canadiens: I can’t answer this question because I’m biased, but if you don’t want the Canadiens to win the Cup then you hate joy, and puppies, and babies, and joy, and happiness. Are you a dementor?
- St Louis Blues: I guess it would be nice to see Jay Bouwmeester go really far after waiting so long to make the playoffs.
- Los Angeles Kings: Because they’re awesome and fun to watch and their Twitter account drives Vancouver Canucks fans absolutely insane and it’s hilarious.
- Vancouver Canucks: Because let’s all admit that Roberto Luongo backstopping them to a Cup would be an awesome storyline.
- Toronto Maple Leafs: Because watching the ACC take the “Thank You Kessel” chant back from the Bruins fans would be so satisfying that you need a cigarette just thinking about it.
- Washington Capitals: Because you want Alexander Ovechkin to score five million goals so Mike Milbury has to shut up five million times.
- San Jose Sharks: Because you want Patrick Marleau to score five million goals so Jeremy Roenick has to shut up five million times. Unfortunately Patrick Marleau is not Alexander Ovechkin, so you’ll settle for Roenick shutting up like five or six times.
- New York Rangers: Something about redemption storylines I don’t know because the Rangers weren’t at all fun to watch this year so I didn’t.
- Detroit Red Wings: Moar Datsyuk.
- Ottawa Senators: Because you want Daniel Alfredsson to go out with a Stanley Cup. So basically this is a bandwagon team for Ottawa Senators fans.
- Minnesota Wild: Because the possibility of an upset in their series against Chicago is so hilariously impossible that it would be the most entertaining thing to happen in the playoffs in decades.
- New York Islanders: Because you wouldn’t just be cheering for the Islanders. You would be cheering for humanity.