How to know if you’re cheering for a bubble team
It’s that time of the year when we forget that less than a quarter of the games in the NHL season have been played and decide to form our opinions on how the season is going to turn out, which means the term “bubble team” is being thrown around a lot. So how do you know if the team you’re cheering for might be a bubble team? Seeing as the blog is back, so are my handy guides. Here’s how you know if you’re a fan of a bubble team:
- Your team’s starting goaltender is the first star in every game he wins, every game he loses, and every game he isn’t even dressed for.
- Your team loses an astounding number of games due to poor officiating. The league should really look into that.
- Every injury that befalls your team happens to a key player, for reals.
- Your team’s top scorers are that one guy who’s really really good and a bunch of third liners.
- You have never been surer of anything than you are that this coach is the wrong coach for your team.
- But you can’t name a single alternative.
- You hate advanced stats geeks.
- But you listen to everything they say and secretly freak out about it.
- Your team loses a game in November and you have to come to terms with the absolute certainty that they aren’t going to make the playoffs,
- But when they won that game in October they were going to contend for the cup.
- You are comforted by the fact that there are more than sixty games left to play.
- You are losing sleep over the fact that there are only sixty or so games left to play.
- People have stopped being friends with you because you keep saying things like “in order to make the playoffs, this team needs an arbitrary number of points I chose because Buffalo or somebody got into the playoffs with it last year, so basically this team has to win or get a point in every one of their Saturday games, four of the next six Tuesday games, every game the backup starts, none of the games in which this call-up plays, three games during which a hot blonde is sitting behind the visitors bench, and half the games in which the coach wears a stripey tie.”
Huge huge thanks to Number31 for the photoshop. Follow her, y’all.