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The madness that made me this way

November 10, 2011

If you’ve wondered where I’ve been since the last blog post, the answer is… hopelessly lost inside my own head.

I think they call it ‘writer’s block.’ They should find a better name for it, like ‘slow painful evil agonizing horrible awful death.’

I’ve been working on my novel, you see. Well, I’ve been staring at the blank screen I am attempting to convert into something somewhat resembling a work of fiction of reasonable length for what feels like years, but is really only weeks.

I am stuck.

What usually happens when I get writer’s block is that it starts with one thing, like my novel, and then it kind of oozes onto everything else I write until eventually I am agonizing over a text message to my sister about whether she can borrow my car.

So that’s where this blog has been. Mired in the mess that is all the things I have been unable to write. I’ve attempted and abandoned many a post in the last few weeks, mostly out of the fear that nobody will read them, which will then confirm my deepest fear that I am in fact terrible at the only thing I have ever been good at.

It’s not always like this. I think all writers, musicians, artists, or creative anythings go through this endless cycle of narcissism and self-loathing where something you think is a brilliant idea one day is the worst thing anyone has ever thought of the next.

At the end of the day, I know this is crazy. I know I will never be an accomplished or widely-published writer if I keep letting my asshole of an inner voice keep me from… well… writing.

So here is this post, the only one I’ve been able to finish in the last month and a half, in an attempt to get posting again, so that I can get writing again, so I can get that horrible inner voice that says I am a terrible writer and will always be irrelevant to shut the fuck up.

If you’re still reading, I hope you know I really appreciate it. And that I’ve got plenty of actual hockey talk coming.

I just need to beat that damn inner voice.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. November 11, 2011 8:29 am

    I hate hate hate writer’s block. And yes, it does strike us all and it can be a behemoth to get around. But it’s a blog post just like this that helps to commence the thaw. Something that I find that helps is to look up an old post and update it with new stats/opinion/commentary. It’s kind of a cop-out but I really find that it helps.

  2. November 15, 2011 9:25 am

    I hear you, Laura. I’ve gone through the cycle WAY too many times. The only thing that seems to help mitigate the downward spiral, as Kyle pointed out, is to write something–ANYTHING, regardless of where or what it’s about. As writers, we are our own worst critic/editor/reviewer, and our judgement always seems suspect (at least mine does: what I find is good is often ignored and what I think is “meh” is well received–but I can’t regularly write “meh”!)

    If it’s any consolation, your lack of posts has been noticed in this corner of the interwebs. Come back to us. Start delving into that “gays in sport” idea you wanted to explore. There’s your assignment. Unlike in Mission: Impossible, your MP3 player will not self-destruct in 10 seconds.

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