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Mike Ribeiro, will you be my Valentine?

February 14, 2011
Early this season, I found myself being pestered by a Dallas Stars fan by the name of Jason to make a Twitter bet on the December 21 game between the Montreal Canadiens and the Dallas Stars.  At the time, both the Habs and the Stars were doing fairly well in the standings, in that “Um… what? Since when is my team any good?” way. In any case, the Habs have incredible timing. Every year they go through a Slump Of Death, during which we Habs fans begin to doubt whether they can make the playoffs, and ask ourselves if they should try and tank, and if we should stick our heads in a collective oven. This year, their SOD coincided with a Western Conference road trip the Habs did just before Christmas. Here’s what happened that night in Dallas:

via WorldBuzzNow

(Actual game highlights are here)

So Jason went for the jugular: Mike F. Ribeiro, which requires no explanation at all. So here:

Dear Mike,

As my friend BlackAcesBlog, whose site you should really check out, would say, you are not Hitler. And, as many of my good friends have pointed out in the last few weeks, you are also not Sarah Palin. Unfortunately, you are not Loui Eriksson, who is having an absolutely brilliant year, but you are having a great year for the Stars, and I’m sure you have at least something to do with the likelihood that they will make the playoffs. Incidentally, should you contribute to the ousting of the Vancouver Canucks from the postseason, I will happily write you more love letters on this blog.


In any case, when you were in Montreal… let’s not talk about that time. I am feeling actual physical pain resisting the urge to post The Video of you by which all Habs fans (and people who hate us) remember you by.

Of course, during the 2007-2008 season, you proceeded to become the Mike Ribeiro the Canadiens had thought you were for someone else (27G, 56A), causing a very large contingent of Habs fans to flip their shit and declare Bob Gainey an idiot. However, what these fans were forgetting is that the return for you was Janne Niinimaa, and if he had never been traded to the Canadiens, this photo would never have happened, and we would have gone through life without the hundreds of hilarious Niinimaa photoshops that have circulated around the interwebz. So thank you for that, Mike.

I guess it’s fair to say that after you left Montreal, you became a somewhat decent hockey player. This year, you have 47 points as of this post, which is two more than the Canadiens’ top scorer, Tomas Plekanec, has. I heard rumours of a point streak at some point but I wasn’t really listening. Sorry.

Also this year, when your team won five games in a row and my friend HappyGirl had to get a Stars tattoo, you actually had some nice words for her:

(Video courtesy of

You really do come off as a decent guy in that video, so , like, mad props and stuff.

 I guess the fact that you’re from Montreal, like me, counts for something. Especially if you grew up a Habs fan.

Since I can’t think of anything more it’s way past my bedtime, I’ll end this love letter now. 

So, in conclusion, Mike Ribeiro, I lost a bet and I don’t completely hate your guts. Will you be my Valentine?


The Active Stick

As many of you know, I’m incredibly competitive, and also, I have a bit of a gambling problem, so of course I said yes to this, but I may have learned my lesson. We polled our Twitter followers for bet terms, and if the Habs had won, Jason would have had to get his hands on a Dallas Stars Sean Avery jersey, turn it into a dress, and wear it to a bar. Jason and I are no longer friends. Here’s my valentine to him:




And NOT in the good way


In the meantime, I’m going to go find a paper bag. To wear over my head. For the rest of my life.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Happy Girl permalink
    February 14, 2011 10:44 am

    Love it! I really think he’s grown up a lot and is a different player than he was for you. He made sure he came back out and found D’Ann to do the video for me which was awesome. And yeah, I’ve learned my lesson about saying outrageous things on the internet and/or making internet bets. I have a two inch star on my ankle to remind me when I forget.

  2. February 14, 2011 1:22 pm

    It’s ok sugarplum, I still love you despite you wanting me to die in a dire with Mike.

  3. February 15, 2011 11:33 pm

    Ribs is awesome..and Kris is right..he was the COOLEST about doing my video for her.


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