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The hockey players you meet at the gym

February 1, 2011

This guy's one of them...

So January’s finally over and we’ve all probably spent the past month trying to stay true to our New Years’ resolution to get (back) in shape. By now, we’re still struggling to find the motivation to go to the gym, but it’s slowly getting easier and we’re becoming familiar with gym culture and the types of people that hang around there.

Ever find they remind you of certain hockey players?

  • There’s the Marc-Andre Fleury, for example. This is the guy that struts around the room with his chest all puffed out, nods at the ladies, does a bunch of exaggerated stretches in the free weights area, gets on the treadmill… and promptly falls off.
  • There’s your PK Subban, who’s always chatting up the chick in the smallest or tightest workout gear, throwing out all these backhanded compliments at her and making her suddenly feel all competitive with him. He chirps her, wearing a big grin, as he walks over to the water cooler and then holds the door and carries her gym bag out to her car for her. She finds him infuriating, as do you. Why? Because you all want to go out with him, and despite all the flirting and the chirping and other attention he showers upon you all, he’s not into any of you.
  • Hello, Mike Green. This is the guy who’s real sweet and everything, offering to help you figure out how that adjusty thingy works on that one machine nobody is ever seen using. He always does the exact weight and exact number of reps this month’s Men’s Health tells him to do, and always makes it look easy. Then you run into him at the supermarket and his cart contains nothing but seven bags of lower-sodium Lay’s chips and nine boxes of frozen buffalo wings.
  • You might run into a Dion Phaneuf once in a while. He’s the one that makes all the loud grunty Effort Noises while bench pressing like 40lbs. When he’s not making those alarming grunt sounds, you can hear his music through his earphones – it’s cranked up really loud.
  • Every gym’s got a Sidney Crosby. Don’t talk to him, you’ll mess with his concentration. Don’t stare at him, you’ll interfere with his process. He knows everything, but don’t ask him questions until he’s done his entire workout. He doesn’t believe in taking breaks, and also, he’s a real big baby about whether you went over the allotted 30 minutes on the stationary bike.
  • Your trainer is a Brad Richards – he’s obviously gorgeous, incredibly friendly and non-judgemental. He’s just there to help you get where you want to be, and you find yourself working harder and harder because you want to make him all proud and flash that smile at you.
  • There’s your Vancouver Canucks, which is that group of guys that just shows up to stand around, talk and laugh loudly, and annoy the hell out of you. They all look like they’re in shape but you have yet to see them do a single thing you could call exercise at the gym.
  • And then there’s your Bobby Ryan… he seems nice, kind of awkward, maybe a little douchey… no wait, he’s nice, and oh right he’s the dude you picked up at the gym.
8 Comments leave one →
  1. Happy Girl permalink
    February 1, 2011 10:05 am

    If Brad Richards were my trainer, I’d have abs like that Jillian Michaels trainer. haha.

  2. February 1, 2011 12:22 pm

    You forgot that Mike Green would probably be wearing his Versace sunglasses at the gym and the his D&G ones at the grocery store 😉

    I LMAOed so hard at the Crosby one and like Happy Girl mentioned, if Richards was my trainer Id have killer abs cause I’d just never leave the gym haha

  3. February 1, 2011 12:28 pm

    You forgot the Marty St. Louis types. They’re like four and a half feet tall, and do more in twenty minutes at the gym than anyone else can in a month.

    • theactivestick permalink*
      February 1, 2011 12:35 pm

      I’m aiming to be the Marty St Louis type. I have the four feet tall part down, the rest is gonna take some practice.

  4. February 1, 2011 2:24 pm

    What about “The Sean Avery”? He’s never working out but he’s always telling you that the last girl you picked up was already picked up by him.

  5. February 3, 2011 12:05 am

    So… the Bobby Ryan is the guy you get by complete happenstance when really you were gunning to talk to that guy you love but haven’t seen at the gym in over a year?

  6. August 9, 2011 1:09 pm

    omg you have these guys down to a TEE! I esp love the Canucks…cuz it’s true. Kess would be telling you that he could totally bench press way more than you but you’ve never seen him near the weights and Burr would be hitting on every girl in the room but you’ve never seen him actually get a number and the Sedins are always sweaty and drinking lots of water but you’ve never seen them on the treadmill and last but not least, Bieksallent does a couple of reps, asks if you’ve ever been to the gun show and then strikes a deadly pose, leaving you in panty soup while he goes off to join his bromance Kess for a smoothie.


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