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Help for the lovelorn…

January 20, 2011

The Active Stick:  Hockey ridiculosity and relationship advice blog.*

Funny how even if you’re terrible at your own relationships, you can often give advice on other people’s relationships. Or lack thereof.

Since this I’ve been thinking about how to figure out who is important and what kinds of people not to waste time on.

It’s often hard to tell whether somebody is into you, or even if they are interested in being friends with you. I often joke that if there was one thing I could eliminate from human interactions it would be mixed signals. Except that I’m not joking and I have lots of trouble with interpersonal misunderstandings.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if someone’s just being polite.

BUT.

Trust me on this. If someone is really not interested in you romantically, or really not interested in being friends with you, it’s actually really easy to tell. You just need to stop looking at them through wishful-thinking-coloured lenses. And if you stop, and objectively think about this, and realise they don’t want to have anything to do with you, then it’s not because you’re ugly, or fat, or dense, or boring.

It’s because they’re stupid.

Why would you care what they think? Stop wasting time worrying about them and concentrate on the people that are worth it. And remember to show them you care about them. No mixed signals.

This has been After School Specials With The Active Stick. Back to hockey tomorrow, with a SAKUSTRAVAGANZA. Stay tuned.

*Also included is this free service: schooling any Saku haters.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. JippyCorp permalink
    January 20, 2011 3:12 pm

    In short, take out emotion and look at things logically… all of life – not just relationships, becomes a lot more clear and it’s easier to make decisions.

    • theactivestick permalink*
      January 20, 2011 3:22 pm

      I think the problem is that for many of us, our emotions are faster than our brains. We need to learn to slow them down.

  2. Happy Girl permalink
    January 20, 2011 3:25 pm

    Good post. When you’re my age, you know they’re not interested in you unless they’re old enough to be my father. Dating sucks.

  3. January 20, 2011 3:34 pm

    One of the best things Gene Roddenberry did when creating Star Trek is give us 2 characters who were completely opposite one another, but they could only have success by working together: Kirk and Spock.

    Kirk was impetuous, brash, daring, a risk taker and closer to James Bond than any Captain ought to be. Spock, for his part, was calculating, logical, and measured beyond measurement. It’s tough to know when to apply the emotional side of ourselves, and when to tap in to our inner Spock.

    With relationships, all we want to do is let Kirk run amock. It feels good when you lead with your heart and emotions, even though sometimes you get kicked in the teeth. On the other hand, to take a step back and evaluate everything like an equation may end up leading you to a safe conclusion, but the journey was oh so lame. Who wants to be labeled as antiseptic and bland when trying to figure navigate the ups and downs of something that is supposed to be so not antiseptic?

    Doing away with rose-coloured glasses is something we all struggle with. We want to give ourselves and our friends/partners the benefit of the doubt, but usually Spock would tell you that Kirk is not thinking straight.

    Good for you for wanting to trim the dead weight from your entourage. I once read a saying that the inner Kirk thought was so harsh and uncaring while Spock said that it was absolutely right. The saying was: “there comes a time in your life when you have to drop all the people in your life that can no longer help you”.

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