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Something I learned while watching the Habs game last night

December 22, 2010

My car keys don’t come with a panic button. Seriously. I’m not too clear on what I’m supposed to do if I ever find myself in a parking lot, unable to see Tayvz right away. A quick walk around the lot to look for the car can’t possibly be the solution, can it? This is why we’re all fat. In any case. My car keys? No panic button. barf bag

Turns out it’s not what I needed, anyway. What I needed instead was…well.

I’m not sure what they were trying to pass off as hockey last night but the Habs put forth an effort that was anything but. It was anything but hockey, and anything but an effort. Every single Canadiens player on the ice was terrible, including the goaltender. He may have been less terrible than most of the Habs, but he let in five goals on 17 shots. Five goals on 17 shots. If anyone has a video breakdown, I’d like to see it.

The coaching was heinous. The defensemen appeared to have stayed behind in Colorado or Montreal, which is strange considering the box score says that Hamrlik and Spacek were on the ice for approximately a billion minutes each. The offense was… Well. I thought J-Mart had benched Cammalleri and Plekanec for most of the game. Turns out they both played over 18 minutes. The two goals the Habs scored must have been by accident, because I could swear they were all aiming two feet wide of Kari Lehtonen’s net for the entire game.

PK played a horrendous game, although he did manage to get his ass kicked by Brian Sutherby.

Still. As bad as PK played, and as much as Picard gave him a run for his money on that front, I wouldn’t scratch either for Weber. I’d play all three and scratch Gorges first, then Spacek, then Hamrlik. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed. I know I am not the only person who thinks this – apparently J-Mart is the only person who doesn’t think this.

That game was definitely not one for the ages… it was more one to puke over and quickly forget.

To rub salt in the wound, I have lost my first sports bet in NINE years. I now have to make a video in which I say things that aren’t totally terrible about Mike Ribeiro. It’ll be up here soon after my parents (who will be visiting for the holidays) leave for home, because I do not want them to see me the kind of drunk I’m going to have to be to do this. And also because I’m getting a new Flip cam over the holidays.

So, now that I’ve vented, what’s next for the Habs? The curse of the December 23rd game, coupled with the curse of the Carolina Hurricanes, an Islanders game they may or may not show up for, the Capitals who are angry about a lot of stuff, followed by the curse of the Habs in Florida. It is entirely possible that the Canadiens won’t win another game until they get back home, and that the Boston Bruins will grab the division and start running away with it.

But I wouldn’t worry about it, Habs fans. December is always a rough month for the our guys and I would much rather the cracks show now than in April or May. There’s still plenty of time to do a lot with this team, but you can’t really change anything if you don’t know where the most fatal flaws are, right?

It’s going to be okay. I’m always right when I say that. I have witnesses. Still. For those of you who are so inclined:

 

Panic button

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One Comment leave one →
  1. December 22, 2010 10:09 am

    If Subban fights in Dallas and no Leafs fans are around to see it, is he still a coward?

    Yes.

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