Dr Kellogg: why they should all learn to stop talking it to death and love the waffle
The Toronto sports media (both old and new) are doing wonders for my attempts to get in shape. If I never see another waffle again it’ll be too soon. I woke up this morning to about 14 different news stories about the waffle-thrower at the ACC Monday night.
Did you know he’s been caught and maybe charged with mischief?
That he’s been banned from whatever locations MLSE owns?
That he’s not the original waffle-thrower but a copycat?
Did you know you could write an entire article about the waffle-throwing that isn’t really about anything at all?
Did you know how quickly you could take the fun out of something so ridiculous in five easy articles?
Why does everything fun have to become such a huge controversy?
I wish everybody would just calm down and let the Leafs fans do their thing. I’m sick of defeated, suicidal Leafs fans. Remember when they used to be fun? When they used to trash talk you instead of threatening to jump off the CN tower? When your team beating the Leafs meant joy instead of having to pass someone the Kleenex box and then watch them cry for an hour?
Puck Daddy Greg Wyshynski this morning:
Of, if the Buds really wanted to nip this thing in the bud, they’d embrace it. Hand out foam waffles at the door. Encourage them to become the new plastic rats in Florida.
Even if it’s not a form of protest, which it apparently is, although the symbolism here is pretty “hein?”, it’s something to laugh about.
Imagine having nothing to get excited about but tickets that’ll cost you both your kidneys and land you a seat in what feels more like a morgue than a hockey arena. Fuck yeah you’d throw waffles at the ice. At least it would give you something to smile about. You could make a game out of it. Hitting Grabovski or Kessel could net you 50 points, while hitting Lebda would be worth more like 3. Hitting Kadri would ordinarily be worth say 40 points but if you get him in the pressbox? Instant win.
Plus they’d finally have some sort of claim to bragging rights again (ever?).
“My team made the playoffs again.”
“Oh yeah? Can you throw a frozen breakfast treat at a moving defenseman from row 15?”
And think of all the marketing opportunities. MLSE could open up a waffle store at the ACC and get a piece. Kellogg’s could become an official sponsor of the team, and as Dave Stubbs suggested on Twitter, team up with the Leafs and feed some needy people… a feel-good story if there ever was one. Breakfast food companies could compete with each other for MLSE affiliation… capitalism at its finest.
Besides. The waffle seems to be a good cure for the blues (Dr Jemima, anyone?). Somebody did something ridiculous and everybody got distracted from the sheer suckage of the on-ice product for a second. Is that so bad?
The waffle should be embraced and appreciated and throwing them should become a thing, like the octopi in Detroit. Leafs fans should be allowed to have a thing. You know, other than being bitter jackasses all over the internet.
As long as you aren’t hurting anyone or changing the outcome of a game, throwing a waffle or two shouldn’t get you banned or charged with a crime.
Let’s not suck all the fun out of this.
Maybe wait for a whistle, though.