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Inside the mind of PK Subban*

December 8, 2010

“Man, I’m sick of hearing about myself.

Screencap courtesy of DHSpeedwagon, who, much like PK, thinks he's awesome

I wish the media would just chill. Why are they all freaking out? It’s like they’ve never seen an elite, game-changing player be a healthy scratch before. Look at Ilya Kovalchuk – that guy’s nowhere near half as awesome as me and he was a healthy scratch and nobody talked about that. Besides, looks like I’m making more of a contribution to my team from the pressbox than that dude’s made to his team from the ice all season. I mean who the fuck is Shawn Thornton, LULZ.

But dude really. My poor fans. They’re so distraught. I bet they’re out flipping cars and setting fires all over the city on my behalf. I should release a statement asking them to refrain… yeah, refrain’s a great word… you know what else is a great word? Eschew. Maybe I’ll use that in my statement… nah. I mean some of my fans might not even know what that means…

I’ll tell them that there’s no reason for them to be upset. I mean, I know I’m awesome, they know I’m awesome, everybody knows I’m awesome. I’m just so freaking awesome. Even Coach knows I’m awesome. I know he just wants to give me a chance to get even more awesome by observing the game from way up above the ice. That’s all.  I see things from up in the box (hehe) that you just can’t see from down there (hehe). Like Chris Neil’s bald spot. Through his helmet.

Anyway. I’ll tell my fans to chill. I’m not mad or upset, and I don’t think for a second that Yannick Weber is taking my place. He ain’t as handsome as me, for starters. That and Carey and I keep trying to teach him the triple low-five and the poor guy just ain’t gettin’ it. Plus, is he ever gonna be able to pull off this outfit? I think not.

Plus I kind of like it up here. There’s popcorn, and I’ve been bringing a friend with me to all the Bell Centre games… he’s big and quiet so everyone thinks he’s my bodyguard. Check out my street cred.

But people really need to stop freaking out. Even when it’s someone talking about me everybody has to flip their shit. I think I’ll have to include in my statement to calm down about that hockey analyst, and that I have nothing against hockey analysts. I mean, some of my best friends are hockey analysts. I live next door to a hockey analyst. I’m totally cool with hockey analysts.

I’m also totally cool, period. Maybe I’ll go look at myself in the mirror for an hour again.”

*TAS note: these thoughts were totally made up and PK Subban was not consulted or harmed for the purposes of this post. I do have it on good authority though, that he is, indeed, freaking awesome.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Chris permalink
    December 8, 2010 2:25 pm

    Now you know what it’s like to have Luke Schenn on your team. But significantly less awesome for you guys, but at least you know.

  2. December 8, 2010 3:04 pm

    I don’t just think I’m awesome, I know it!

    • theactivestick permalink*
      December 8, 2010 11:18 pm

      I will give you this. You are awesomer than Luke Schenn.

  3. December 8, 2010 10:47 pm

    just love it like everything you type

  4. Harry M permalink
    December 10, 2010 10:59 am

    Maybe PK Subban should not wait the standard 5 years to have his bust in the HOF. I am just trying to figure what he has done on the ice that makes him an effective player.

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