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How to behave during tomorrow night’s game against the Toronto Maple Leafs

November 19, 2010

It didn’t happen, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s move on to the next game.

Our beloved Toronto Maple Leafs are coming to town, which of course means there will be injuries. Some players could get hurt, too. In order to ensure the game is as pleasant and enjoyable as possible for everybody involved except the Leafs and all their fans, I’ve compiled a list of tips for how to behave if you’re going to the game.

  • Don’t start a “Thank you Grabovski” chant. In fact, if you can remember what we got in the Grabovski trade without asking Google I’ll give you five bucks right now.
  • Don’t focus all your booing energy on Komisarek or Grabovski. Remember that tomorrow night is the game that the Maple Leafs chose to invite their fathers to. Boo all the Leafs equally so no dad feels their kid is left out.
  • Except for Nazem Khadri. You don’t need to waste your energy booing him, the media in Toronto takes care of messing with his head plenty. I suggest storing the booing energy you’ve saved up for when Grabovski scores a goal.
  • Because you know he will.
  • That fucker.
  • Also don’t boo Kaberle. You apparently don’t wanna mess with his dad. Don’t ask me, it’s some sort of inside joke on the Leafs internets.
  • Kyle Wellwood is fat.
  • If you see a Leafs fan sitting in your section, don’t bother with tired old ‘1967’ or ‘1993’  jokes. Just look at their jerseys, look back up at them, smile sadly and nod sympathetically as though you understand. They will love that.
  • Also, when you’re talking to these nice people, don’t make fun of Dion Phaneuf’s leg injury or subsequent infection. That’s just classless.
  • Instead make fun of his face.
  • Be sure to point out PK Subban to your new friends.
  • Then ask them what they think Luke Schenn’s upside is.
  • It’s not polite to laugh at the answer.
  • If you really feel the need to punch somebody just because it’s a Habs-Leafs game, wait till the Habs get a lead. Somebody is bound to sing The Song. You know the one. Then punch away.
13 Comments leave one →
  1. SensDew19 permalink
    November 19, 2010 10:17 am

    Ive had my fair share of embarrassing moments cheering and laughing because of hockey in class, this added to my record! Great read

    As a Sens fan I will be in full Habs support mode (please embarrass them A LOT and mercilessly) tomorrow night, just wondering could you make fun of Kessel’s face too? :p

  2. November 19, 2010 10:25 am

    Greg Pateryn and a 2nd that ended up making its way to Boston. They chose Jared Knight.

    I can collect in the form of beer.

    • theactivestick permalink*
      November 19, 2010 2:20 pm

      You’re an asshole. And now I have to buy you a beer. WHAT IS MY LIFE EVEN?

  3. November 19, 2010 10:46 am

    Bienvenue à Montréal monsieur Komo. That is all.

  4. November 19, 2010 11:09 am

    I propose that if the Leafs win, you have to publicly declare that Luke Schenn is in fact, hotter than Carey Price.

    • theactivestick permalink*
      November 19, 2010 11:44 am

      You’re on, buddy. If the Habs win, you have to publicly declare that Carey is hotter than Fat Face Luke. We’re going to take a picture of you holding up a sign to that effect and it’s going on my blog.
      Habs lose, I’ll post a picture of me saying Fat Face is hotter than my Carey.

      • November 19, 2010 11:54 am

        Yes, but if the Leafs win you also have to apologize for calling Luke FAT FACE!!

        • November 19, 2010 1:48 pm

          I hope activestick enjoys getting all her blood punched out.

        • theactivestick permalink*
          November 19, 2010 2:25 pm

          No. I am not going to apologize for calling Luke a fat face. But I will do the other stuff I said.

  5. November 19, 2010 11:21 am

    Kadri gets his first NHL goal tomorrow night. Enjoy it. It will be the first of MILLIONS against Montreal.

  6. Harry M permalink
    November 20, 2010 2:21 am

    RIP Pat Burns. A great coach and even better man.

    Jacobs was such an idiot for getting rid of him when he coached Boston.

  7. Number31 permalink
    November 21, 2010 10:45 am

    Ugh…they sang the fucking song…


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