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NHL Summer Vacations: the Habs Edition

July 21, 2010

While Lou, Gary and Ilya star in the shit show of the summer, other people in the NHL are quietly going about their own off-season hiatuses (hiati?). As you know, I often stalk NHLers and report back on their activities, as a service to my two and a half readers. So just in case you were wondering what your favourite players have been up to since the season ended, I’ve got the scoop for you right here.

Let’s start with some of your Montreal Canadiens.

  • Michael Cammalleri is taking advantage of his time off to shake hands and kiss babies, as well as to get in touch with his constituents the community. The elections probably won’t take place until Training Camp or later, but he’s our little keener and he always comes prepared.
  • Carey Price is mastering the art of Lying Through Your Teeth To The Media. Yeah, he loves the fans in Montreal.
  • Brian Gionta has a secret life as a garden gnome on someone’s lawn during the summers.
  • Tomas Plekanec has reportedly not stopped banging his head on the wall since July 15th.
  • Roman Hamrlik and Jaroslav Spacek have been trying and failing to get between him and the wall because they keep taking ludicrous, unnecessary, penalties
  • Scott Gomez is… ballin’, cause, like, he always is.
  • Josh Gorges is probably not going to come down from the clouds before the end of November.
  • Ryan O’Byrne? December at the earliest. Gotta love those BC kids.
  • Andrei Markov is a spy. (Sidebar: doesn’t that RCMP officer look scarily like Mike Komisarek?)
  • PK Subban is… practicin’ his ballin’, cause, like, he’s going to be.
  • Travis Moen is probably out lifting, digging, planting or plowing something. And theactivestick is spending her entire offseason thinking about it.
  • Maxim Lapierre is working on a workout video… for your face. Move over Jane Fonda.
  • Hal Gill was gracious enough to come up to Canada and help out during the G20 by being the security perimeter around the meetings… and it worked. They burned cop cars, they trashed Foot Lockers, they got clubbed and detained by the cops,* but no anarchists could get past Hal.

*For the last time, no, the G20 did not take place in Montreal.

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. July 21, 2010 9:26 am

    “Roman Hamrlik and Jaroslav Spacek have been trying and failing to get between him and the wall because they keep taking ludicrous, unnecessary, penalties”

    HA!

    Nice work. Good to have you back in bullet-point format, Active Stick.

  2. HappyGirl1029 permalink
    July 21, 2010 9:34 am

    Love it! I want a Gionta lawn gnome. Are they available in the US?

    • July 21, 2010 9:35 am

      I want a Gionta sex slave.

      YEAH THAT’S RIGHT I SAID IT.

    • July 21, 2010 9:38 am

      They were once made in the US. Sadly, they stopped producing them and instead started trying to produce illegal russian gnomes.

      • HappyGirl1029 permalink
        July 21, 2010 9:41 am

        S’ok. I am in negotiations with Burke to see if I can get the Kaberle gnome – I hear it’s available April – mid Sept.

  3. Number31 permalink
    July 21, 2010 8:36 pm

    Lifting… Digging… Planting… Plowing… Dreamy sigh~

  4. Number31 permalink
    July 21, 2010 9:15 pm

    Lifting, digging, planting or plowing… Dreamy sigh~

  5. July 23, 2010 9:42 am

    Seems like you got more than 2 and a half readers.

  6. July 29, 2010 10:52 am

    Cammy, a keener? Wow that takes me back…

  7. PAWPA-PUCK permalink
    August 2, 2010 5:50 pm

    and carey price is practicing his losing cuz like he always will

Trackbacks

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