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10 things I love about the Stanley Cup Finalists

May 29, 2010

First, obligatory prediction: Hawks in 6

Also, obligatory self-congratulation: I predicted this.

Crystal Ball

Many of you absolutely hate the Flyers. Some of you hate the Blackhawks (yeah what’s wrong with you?). But there are tons of things I love about both teams. Here’s a list of 10 things I love about this year’s Stanley Cup Finalists:

  1. Chicago: Jonathan Toews. (This list was originally just “Jonathan Toews” repeated 10 times.) I love how his mommy insists you pronounce “Jonathan” the French way. I love how he will be the best two-way forward in the game for a long, long time. I love how he went to the Olympics as the “extra forward” and left as the forward of the tournament. I love how he’s Captain Serious and never Captain Whiny. I love him so much I decided to name my new car after him. Only I spell it ‘Tayvz.’
  2. Philadelphia: The guys I hate. I love how it’s practically impossible to get past, around, or through Chris Pronger. I love how Mike Richards broke someone’s wrist to prevent him from getting up the ice. I love how who the fuck is Ville Leino? I love how Claude Giroux came out of nowhere to undress the goalies. I do not love Dan Carcillo. Him, I just want to punch.
  3. Chicago: Big Buff. I love how he parks his butt in the crease and makes Luongo mad. I love how the spelling and the pronunciation of his name are completely unrelated. I love how he wasn’t sure if he wanted to play hockey for a living and is now playing for the Stanley Cup on one of the top teams in the league. I love how he gets away with Kyle Wellwood behaviour (sometimes called ‘being fat’) while the original Kyle Wellwood does not.
  4. Philadelphia: The Philadelphia Story. What a ride. I love how they made the playoffs at the very last second. I love how they then handily beat a team everyone thought was ready for a good cup run. I love how they came back from a 3-0 deficit (against my most hated team, no less) and won the series. I love how they’re in the final despite mad hurts during the playoffs.
  5. Chicago: Adam Burish has something to say. For example, that the Canucks have a bunch of clowns on their roster. Or that they really piss him off. He also said a whole bunch of other stuff about the Nucks like they should stop talking about their game plan and go do it. A quick summary (and loose paraphrasing) of Adam Burish’s comments about the Vancouver Canucks would be, “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU WHINY WANKERS SHUT UP.” I love it.
  6. Philadelphia: Crashing in the net. First they got Ray Emery and he got injured. Then Mike Leighton stepped in and he got injured. Then Brian Boucher stepped in and he got injured. Then Mike Leighton stepped in again and the Habs’ ability to score goals got injured. Now Boucher says he’s ready to back Leighton up. Take this to the bank: they’re both going to get re-injured and somebody we’ve never heard of is going to win them the Cup. Okay don’t take it to the bank. NOTHING I SAY SHOULD BE TAKEN TO THE BANK.
  7. Chicago: The Hossa Curse. There’s no such thing. People keep saying he likes to piggyback his way to success. First of all, that’s not entirely true. He’s getting paid to make a good team better. Second, there’s nothing wrong with joining an already-excellent team. If you’re an NHL player that doesn’t want to win a Cup, then there’s something wrong with you. Marian Hossa is the kind of player that gets to choose where he goes. If I had that kind of talent I’d choose a ‘ready-for-a-run’ team too. Although Chicago might not be on my list cause of the restraining order Toews has against me.
  8. Philadelphia: Another guy I hate. Peter Laviolette. Gawd, I hate that guy, and if you’re a Habs fan you’ll know why. But the man did a heck of a job rallying his team and getting them this far after all the ups-and-downs of both the regular season and the playoffs. Plus he doesn’t cry like John Stevens did.
  9. Chicago: Defensemen are, like, yeah. You know I’m a defenseman kind of girl. I love Brent Seabrook and his crazy awesomeness. I love Duncan Keith and his equally awesome awesomeness. I love Brian Campbell’s overinflated contract. I love Niklas Hjalmarsson’s name. I love Brent Sopel, too. Maybe.
  10. Philadelphia: Lauren Hart. You know I couldn’t come up with a fifth thing to love about the team, cause they’re still the dirty goons they’ve always been. But damn do I love Lauren Hart. And novelty pretzels. The Wachovia does do pretzels well.

The Chicago list is not exhaustive, by the way. Didn’t even get to the Patricks or mullets or Madden or how they sneakily switched Bolland and Versteeg when Bolland was called for tripping, or Versteeg himself or Ben Eager’s uselessness or…

The Philadelphia list is, in that I was overexhausted trying to come up with things to love about the Flyers.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Number31 permalink
    May 29, 2010 10:07 am

    Brent Seabrook has perfect hair. I have no idea how he manages to keep it perfect under that helmet. Probably just because he’s awesome.

    • theactivestick permalink*
      May 29, 2010 10:23 am

      Yes. Difference between Seabrook’s awesomeness and Patty Kane’s awesomeness:
      Seabrook’s awesomeness keeps his hair perfect.
      Kane’s awesomeness attempts to make up for his terrible hair.

      • Number31 permalink
        May 31, 2010 8:51 am

        Half way through the 3rd period he removes his helmet and his hair is STILL perfect! Maybe there’s a mini shower and dryer underneath…

  2. May 29, 2010 10:33 am

    Love it! I could do without the Flyers points, but it’s tough to argue with them!

    I’d add these 3 points to the Chicago side

    1) The classic style of Pat Sharp all dressed in a suit.

    2) An Original 6 team with a chance to end the longest current Stanley Cup drought.

    3) The national anthem is crazy! A real organ with an okay singer and a packed arena screaming and clapping from start to finish = goosebumps!

    Hawks in 6.

  3. May 29, 2010 10:34 am

    On point #3: Buff gets away with it because he’d eat you alive if you called him fat to his face. Wellfed, on the other hand, would simply see how many licks it takes to get to the center.

    On Laviolette: I love him and hate him. He seems to have a Midas touch with his team, yet we see him as Medusa. The bastard.

    Nice work on predicting Hawks/Flyers in the finals!

  4. May 29, 2010 1:11 pm

    I still have no idea how to pronounce Niklas Hjalmarsson’s last name. Can I love that?

  5. June 2, 2010 1:11 am

    Angelica – that may be because every commentator has a different way of pronouncing his name. The most consistent way I’ve heard Niklas Hjalmarsson’s name pronounced is CH-ALM-AR-SON.

    Nice post, TAC.

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