If NHL teams were boyfriends…
Let’s take a quick break from the Stanley Cup playoffs and talk about matters of the heart, because I know some of my readers come to The Active Stick for dating advice. I’m sure that as hockey fans or sports fans in general, you’ve often been accused of loving your favourite team more than your significant other, even though that’s not true. Sometimes when I talk about hockey my friends will roll their eyes and say, “it’s like the Habs are her boyfriend.” Which got me thinking… what if NHL teams were boyfriends?
Probably wouldn’t be a great idea to date some of them… but hey, see for yourself.
Vancouver Canucks: He drives an Escalade, he pronounces it ‘supposably,’ he’s addicted to his Crackberry, and his little Bluetooth headset thingy never comes off… even when he sleeps. Dump. Him.
Pittsburgh Penguins: Until he got a flashy car to cart you around in, you didn’t know he existed and now you can’t shut up about him. Your friends, your family and the cactus on your office desk are sick of hearing about him. For serious.
Ottawa Senators: Let’s be honest here. You’re only dating this guy because the guy you were with before was constantly letting you down. It’s time to admit to yourself there’s not much that’s exciting about him. Everything in his wardrobe is beige, for example.
New Jersey Devils: You think he’s the greatest thing, ever, and you have no idea why none of your circle ever wants to hang out with him.
San Jose Sharks: Beachfront property, an M3 convertible, and promises, promises, promises.
Tampa Bay Lightning: Beachfront property, an M3 convertible, and no promises.
Washington Capitals: Gorgeous loft in the artsiest part of town, an M3 convertible, and all talk.
Phoenix Coyotes: You were losing interest until he ran into some trouble. You’ve decided to stick by him through the drama, but newsflash: he’s going to leave you when the drama’s all over.
New York Rangers: A ridiculously handsome investment banker with a ton of money and a lot of social clout. He knows all the best restaurants and all the fine wines, and he’s not going to propose.
Boston Bruins: Can you really bring a guy whose favourite thing to do is crush a beer can on his forehead home to your parents?
Chicago Blackhawks: All your friends have a crush on him, and why wouldn’t they? He’s cute, smart, hardworking, and has a great sense of humour. His taste in music might be a dealbreaker, though.
Carolina Hurricanes: This guy’s awesome, if you’re into sitting on the front porch and drinking crappy beer out of a can every night for the rest of your life.
Philadelphia Flyers: Despite the warnings from your friends that this guy is bad, bad news, you just can’t resist him. Trust me ladies, he’s bad, bad news. I can’t resist him, either.
Montreal Canadiens: you started dating this guy because he looks vaguely like your first love, who broke up with you years ago. You know it, and he knows it. No matter how hard he tries he can’t make you happy, because he just can’t magically turn into your ex.
Toronto Maple Leafs: Classic case of an emotionally abusive boyfriend. Word to the wise, ladies, get out of this one, quick. If he’s started throwing the word ‘truculent’ around lately, start running now, and change your name while you’re at it. He might end up getting physically abusive, too, and he always has golf clubs handy.