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Why I’m a bad person: Kyle Wellwood is fat

October 25, 2009

First, the Gazette’s Pat Hickey on why Gaborik deserves the third star:

Third star: Marian Gaborik scored his eighth goal of the season and has managed to play 11 games without getting hurt.


My favourite Toronto Maple Leafs blogger, Down Goes Brown, wrote a blog post about Kyle Wellwood last season that got me hooked on his blog. Since I don’t personally interact with Leafs fans, I didn’t know until recently that it’s not just Down Goes Brown–Leafs fans everywhere self-medicate with Kyle Wellwood fat jokes. And in my opinion, they’re funnier than “Leafs haven’t won since 1967” jokes.


Well, it pisses Canucks fans off, for one thing. The jokes are often way more creative than “Leafs suck” jokes, for another. Also, Kyle Wellwood had it coming when he a) got fat when he was supposed to be getting better, and followed that up with b) talking trash about his former team and their fans. And also c)he’s a Vancouver Canuck.

So, Friday morning I logged onto Twitter and found some of the Leafs bloggers I’m not stalking from PPP posting Kyle Wellwood is fat jokes. Why? Cause yet another Leafs blogger (we’re drowning in them!) decided to start a Twitter campaign and make #KyleWellwoodIsSoFat a trending topic (a trending topic is basically a set of keywords currently appearing most often in people’s Twitter updates).

And… I joined in, like many non-Leafs fans did. None of my jokes were all that good, but I retweeted and retweeted people’s good jokes in an effort to help Kyle Wellwood’s blubber achieve trending topic status. At one point Saturday morning I was one of the top ten #KyleWellwoodIsSoFat posters.

The efforts of  hockey nerds worked. A few times. Briefly. #KyleWellwoodIsSoFat became a trending topic on Twitter, but since he’s so heavy, it fell back off the list each time.

And then Kyle Wellwood broke his toe.

Did I feel bad? Yes.

Because Kyle Wellwood broke his toe after we called him fat? Nah. He’ll be fine. I’m sure he’s excited about all the chicken wings and pie he’s going to eat while rehabing over the next few days.

I felt bad because I got carried away because I have blog-crushes on fans of a team I hate (with a 0-7-1 start), and rejoiced when the Nucks fans were big babies about it. And I think it may be bad hockey karma.

Sidebar: someone (I suspect one of the Leafs bloggers I mentioned) created a twitter account called WellwoodIsSoFat. Hilarious.

We’ll be back to your regularly scheduled Montreal Canadiens programming tomorrow.

PS Mike Richards WTF?

4 Comments leave one →
  1. October 25, 2009 11:21 pm

    Thanks for the mention. I haven’t given any clues as to who I /really/ am, but for anyone reading this, I am not actually associated with the PPP or any blog. #KyleWellwoodIsSoFat he literally “chews up” bandwith.

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