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I am having an epic freakout

July 25, 2013

Okay so my 30th birthday is in two weeks and any delusions I had that I was going to deal with it well have all flown off into the sunset.

I’m not handling this very well.

In fact, I am freaking out :(

Mostly it’s career stuff I think. I’m perfectly happy on weekends and hate everything about my life on weekdays.

Shouldn’t I have this part figured out by now?

Aaaaaaaaa.

Sorry. I know I write here about dealing with my self esteem issues and usually I post about things I’ve learned but today we’re doing an open-ended dramatic freaking out thing.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 25, 2013 12:59 pm

    Chris Hardwick said that 30 isn’t bad. It’s 35 is when it gets bad because you have to check off a new box in surveys.

    People bloom and realize things at different times and you could fit into that mold. It’s something that just clicks into people at different times. You’re going to be alright because you have a good support system behind you to keep you in check when you need it most.

    Keep your head up, kid.

  2. July 25, 2013 12:59 pm

    Hey, I’m a bunch older, and I still don’t have it figured out — I think a lot of people don’t! So if nothing else, you are certainly not alone in this <3

  3. July 25, 2013 1:03 pm

    I expect to get all that stuff sorted out about three weeks before I turn 65.

    I hit this job at 32 after four job changes in the previous 3 years.

  4. July 25, 2013 1:14 pm

    I’m ages older and am still wondering if I’m in the right career. You’re likely to change your mind as you grow. Age is just a number and doesn’t always (ever?) Indicate where you are in life, so take it easy on yourself!

  5. July 25, 2013 1:20 pm

    Thinking some more about this.

    When I went to school, it was for things with high-falutin’ names like journalism and architecture. These are jobs with a certain romance to them. I know for sure that in architecture, the whole time I was there I had a sense that I was doing something that Mattered (capital M).

    Then I got out of school and there was jack.

    I dabbled for a bit in animation – even had one school offtering me a job as an instructor before I even completed a course.

    What I came to see, though, is that a lot of the cool-sounding careers are actually meat-grinders where most people, if they can get in at all, are either stuck at the bottom or get spit out after a few years. They’re as frustrating and idiotic as everything else. Sometimes worse.

    I ended up taking one of those post-grad courses in computer programming, shocked myself by being really good at it and though it lacks glamour, it’s steady and I get to go home. The actual tasks I do (I specialized as I went on) are things I’m very good at and other people aren’t, so it does matter that I’m around. Even if I don’t get to puff up and say “I’m an architect” (not bricks and mortar, anyway), it doesn’t matter because that’s not how I define myself anyway. My definition is tied up in being dad, husband, that sort of thing.

    And personally, my 30s kicked the living crap out of my 20s.

  6. Lyanne permalink
    July 25, 2013 2:44 pm

    I had never cared about my age… until I turned 30. It wasn’t so much the age itself, but what I hadn’t accomplished that I had imagined five years earlier that I would have at this point. The scariest part for me is that throughout the past year (my 30th) I have taken another look at things and I’m starting to wonder if I still really want those things for myself. Redefining what/who I am at 30 has been an eye opening experience. And yes, sometimes my hands are covering those open eyes, but all in all it has helped me grow and I’m learning to accept that life doesn’t always happen the way we pictured it, and that’s okay. I have also learned that I don’t think I’ll ever feel like a “grown up”, but that could be an entire post unto itself. As ecozens said, you are certainly not alone in this!

  7. July 25, 2013 3:01 pm

    I LOVED my 30s! At first it’s constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you. ;-) LIVE IN THE NOW!

  8. July 25, 2013 5:18 pm

    It’s okay to hate your job and not have the professional part of your life figured out. People change, so do their interests and priorities. I’m slightly older than you and recently left a job I had for over seven years. I am so glad I left. My heart was no longer in the position and I couldn’t handle faking my way through it anymore. I hated it. I had to sit in my car in the morning for about fifteen minutes to prep myself for the day to come. Even though I didn’t have another job to go to, I became a much nicer and happier person for leaving.

    1967ers said it perfectly…
    “What I came to see, though, is that a lot of the cool-sounding careers are actually meat-grinders where most people, if they can get in at all, are either stuck at the bottom or get spit out after a few years. They’re as frustrating and idiotic as everything else. Sometimes worse.”

    As much as I liked the industry my job was in, I’ve realized it’s one of those jobs and industries where they use you and you burn out fast. As cool as the job was when I was 24, that type of work is no longer a priority for me.

    You’re going to be in the working world for a while, might as well do something you like. Who cares if it isn’t glamorous. As long as you’re happy. Your professional life is a small fraction of who you are as a person. Don’t let it define you. Leave that for all the other things (ie: daughter, sister, philanthropist, etc..)

  9. July 25, 2013 11:11 pm

    Don’t be too hard on yourself! I’m 37, have (almost) 5 kids, and I sure as hell hope the job I have now isn’t the job I retire from!

    We appreciate you want your blog to be helpful to others, but it’s in our own struggles and failures that we learn HOW to help others and ourselves through learning, and experiencing.

    You’re young. Know that where you are isn’t where you’ll always be, as life changes from moment to moment. There was a time where you never even thought about running a half marathon, either. ;)

    Be strong. You’ll be ok. You’re a smart woman. You’ll get there.

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