Your Mini-Survival Guide for the days leading up to the trade deadline
The NHL trade deadline is just over a week away, but trades have already been happening all over the place. The biggest blockbuster trade news, of course, is that the Montreal Canadiens traded a fifth-rounder for a player they hadn’t wanted in the summer for free, but they need all the help they can get on the blueline (not Lebda), and Paul Mara can rock a badass beard, so it’s actually a pretty good trade.
In any case, things can get a little crazy around this time in the season, so I’ve put together some bullet points to help you through the madness that is the week-and-a-bit before the NHL trade deadline:
- Become well-versed in your local liquour store’s specials of the next two weeks.
- Kaberle: rocking back and forth in your cubicle while chanting “Not Boston, Not Boston, Not Boston…” is totally going to work, you guys. [UPDATE: Okay, which one of you wasn't chanting?]
- If you like to follow these things onTwitter and message boards, here’s a good rule of thumb: Don’t start jumping off a building because user named NHLinsieder said your favourite player was traded.
- There is no such thing as a blockbuster trade that will help your team win a Stanley Cup. There is getting Kaberle and losing in the second round, like your shit team with miraculous goaltending deserves. [UPDATE: Nice job on that return, by the way.]
- Don’t set your expectations too high and you won’t be disappointed. Basically, if your team doesn’t trade for Alex Kovalev, you win.
- If you insist on manufacturing trade rumours, please go to www.capgeek.com for salary cap information and make sure that they’re not completely impossible before you post your fake trade information.
- Keep calm and carry on. You rarely see fans react to a trade with approval, but getting upset over it solves nothing and leaves you wholly unprepared for the even more disappointing move your team’s GM is going to make tomorrow.
- Always be prepared for the event that, no matter what happens, Bryan Murray is going to find some way to totally fuck the trade market up.