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Your Mini-Survival Guide for the days leading up to the trade deadline

February 18, 2011

Grumpy monkeys: this is how NHL fans look just after every trade deadline

The NHL trade deadline is just over a week away, but trades have already been happening all over the place. The biggest blockbuster trade news, of course, is that the Montreal Canadiens traded a fifth-rounder for a player they hadn’t wanted in the summer for free, but they need all the help they can get on the blueline (not Lebda), and Paul Mara can rock a badass beard, so it’s actually a pretty good trade.

In any case, things can get a little crazy around this time in the season, so I’ve put together some bullet points to help you through the madness that is the week-and-a-bit before the NHL trade deadline:

  • Become well-versed in your local liquour store’s specials of the next two weeks.
  • Kaberle: rocking back and forth in your cubicle while chanting “Not Boston, Not Boston, Not Boston…” is totally going to work, you guys. [UPDATE: Okay, which one of you wasn’t chanting?]
  • If you like to follow these things onTwitter and message boards, here’s a good rule of thumb: Don’t start jumping off a building because user named NHLinsieder said your favourite player was traded.
  • There is no such thing as a blockbuster trade that will help your team win a Stanley Cup. There is getting Kaberle and losing in the second round, like your shit team with miraculous goaltending deserves. [UPDATE: Nice job on that return, by the way.]
  • Don’t set your expectations too high and you won’t be disappointed. Basically, if your team doesn’t trade for Alex Kovalev, you win.
  • If you insist on manufacturing trade rumours, please go to www.capgeek.com for salary cap information and make sure that they’re not completely impossible before you post your fake trade information.
  • Keep calm and carry on. You rarely see fans react to a trade with approval, but getting upset over it solves nothing and leaves you wholly unprepared for the even more disappointing move your team’s GM is going to make tomorrow.
  • Always be prepared for the event that, no matter what happens, Bryan Murray is going to find some way to totally fuck the trade market up.
5 Comments leave one →
  1. SensDew19 permalink
    February 18, 2011 11:58 am

    *joins the Not Boston chant* ;)

    Trade deadline is truly a great experience for any sports fan, one day you’re weeping the loss of a player and holding on the the potential trade of another then the next two days you’re jumping up and down celebrating the trades of two of the most useless players on the team! WOHOO

    Also memo to NHL GMs, Kovalev and Kuba will not only help you win the Stanley Cup they will GUARANTEE that you do…Im sure Murray will at least listen to offers :p

  2. Number31 permalink
    February 18, 2011 12:39 pm

    Wish it were possible to trade coaches.
    Perry Pearn and Jacques Martin for a pick and a prospect! Clear the way for Muller.
    E444444444444444!

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