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How hockey player soundbites are interpreted around the league

February 9, 2011

I was sitting around in my PJs eating oranges last night when I remembered I sometimes pretend to be a hockey ridiculosity blogger.  So here’s some hockey ridiculosity.

A weapon against the horrible disease known as 'signing free agents'

As we all know, sports is serious business. And everything an athlete says is serious business. And every time an athlete says something, the media and fans that follow said athlete’s team collectively take it upon themselves to interpret the athlete’s words however they want.

It can get a little out of hand, especially in some NHL cities. Take these hypothetical hockey player soundbites, for example…

Toronto:
Phil Kessel says: the steak he had the night before wasn’t cooked exactly right.
It’s interpreted as:  PHIL KESSEL HATES THE STEAK IN TORONTO SO HE IS DEMANDING A TRADE.

Vancouver:
Alexandre Burrows says: he is due back from an injury soon and is just waiting for team physicians to clear him.
It’s interpreted as:  Shut up we’re not irrelevant even though we haven’t won shit in 40 years and we have every right to be cocky and spend hours a day talking about how awful the Habs and the Leafs are even though nobody asked.

Boston:
Andrew Ference Any Bruin Any Athlete says: anything.
It’s interpreted as: A reason to run the athlete out of town.

Washington:
Alexander Ovechkin says: he has broken his leg and will be out for the rest of the season and playoffs.
It’s interpreted as: The Capitals are perfect and they’re going to win the Stanley Cup this year and also they are perfect.

Philadelphia
Jeff Carter says: he has a cold.
It’s interpreted as: PK Subban is classless, disrespectful and dirty and none of our players have ever done anything classless, disrespectful or dirty.

Phoenix:
Shane Doan says: that Ilya Bryzgalov came up big in the last game.
It’s interpreted as:  OMG Canada is getting a seventh NHL team!

Detroit:
Nicklas Lidstrom says: he’s proud of how his team is battling through the injuries they’ve been sustaining.
It’s interpreted as: Injuries are another NHL conspiracy against the Red Wings.

Montreal:
Carey Price says: he was supposed to hang out with PK Subban the night before but he had a migraine so he took some Advil and went to bed early.
It’s interpreted as:  Everybody on the team hates PK Subban, because the fact that he has self-confidence and fans makes him a terrible human being. The Canadiens dressing room is in total disarray all because PK Subban exists.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. blurr1974 permalink
    February 9, 2011 1:43 pm

    Don’t be coy, that Montreal interpretation is actually true….

  2. Number31 permalink
    February 9, 2011 2:19 pm

    New York (Islanders)
    GM says: (Goalie) is injured and will be out for the rest of the season.
    Interpreted as: You’re next Koskinen. Who wants a Couturier jersey?

  3. TomPalko permalink
    February 9, 2011 2:23 pm

    LOVE the Shane Doan…

  4. SensDew19 permalink
    February 9, 2011 4:40 pm

    “The Capitals are perfect and they’re going to win the Stanley Cup this year and also they are perfect.”

    I LOVE YOU! HAHA

  5. Jillian permalink
    February 9, 2011 6:28 pm

    Hilarious! :)

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