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Why Danielle should choose the Habs over the Isles

October 29, 2010
Islanders Barberpole Jersey

So, hey, Islanders, I think we're even now for that whole "No Habs No" splash page thing (Hideosity courtesy of DTV).

Danielle is one of my oldest and best friends. We met in the second grade back home, sort of lost touch for a while, and then ran into each other at McGill years (and thousands of miles) later. She moved to New York a couple of years ago.

The last time we spoke, I was so proud (overjoyed, yo) that she had started to develop an interest in hockey… but quite alarmed at the same time. You see, she’s dating an Islanders fan.  And he’s taking her to Islanders games. And lending her Islanders jerseys.

Now she’s in grave danger. In order to save her from becoming Not a Habs Fan, I’ve decided to put together a list of reasons my Danielle should become a Habs fan over an Islanders fan, now that she’s taking an interest in hockey and everything.

  • First of all, Danielle is absolutely gorgeous. Why would she want to mar that gorgeousness by wearing a universally unflattering colour like Isles orange? Bleu Blanc Rouge is much better suited to highlight her ridiculous hotness. Like the book says, Red is Best.
  • Besides, look what happens when you try to go all retro barberpole on an Islanders jersey.
  • That isn’t real, by the way. Don’t Trade Vinny made that for me, so give him some love and a glove bump.
  • And for the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT TRY THAT AT HOME.
  • Danielle is French (the kind that’s from France). Which means she speaks French, which automatically qualifies her to work as a Montreal Canadiens coach or even in the front office. This is presumably not the case with the Islanders, where I think they expect you to know some of the rules and stuff.
  • Do the Islanders have PK Subban? No? /end argument.
  • Being a sports fan can often be extremely frustrating. I find it can sometimes be less frustrating to like a team that has 2 or more NHL defensemen.
  • Travis Moen is not an Islander. Therefore she cannot like the Islanders.
  • Also, she cannot have Travis Moen, he is mine.
  • The Montreal Canadiens play at the Bell Centre, which is in Montreal, whereas the New York Islanders play at Nassau Coliseum, which is not.
  • James Wisniewski will always be known as the guy that may have wanted to blow Sean Avery. We have no such players on the Habs. (Don’t play this video in front of your children or boss.)
  • Matt Moulson’s hair totally freaks me out. Is that normal?
  • Again, like, look at that jersey. Even though it’s not real, I think you’ll agree that you will never be able to unsee it, and the thought should be enough to scare you away from the Islanders FOREVER.
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29 Comments leave one →
  1. HotBranch permalink
    October 29, 2010 9:56 am

    Any new fan to any given sport should ask themselves: “Do I want to hook my wagon to a winner or a loser?”

    24>>4

    Though this logic would make new baseball fans consider the Yankees, they next need to ask themselves: “Are the fans complete and utter douchebags?”

    Montreal has a few idiotic fans, but the majority are well-behaved and represent all over the NHL. Can’t say that you see many Isles jerseys outside of LonGisland (emphasis on the heavy G).

    Finally, a new fan needs to get up to speed as quick as possible to shed that noob smell. Are there hockey fans anywhere that know the game better than Montreal? Islander fans probably wonder why the guy in the pink gear stays in his end, avoiding his teammates, 180 feet away.

    • Alan Smithee permalink
      October 29, 2010 5:48 pm

      Islander fans probably wonder why the guy in the pink gear stays in his end, avoiding his teammates, 180 feet away.

      That would mean that the Isles are swarming the Montreal end, which means they’ll be wondering why the Isles’ numbers on the scoreboard are so much higher and why they keep playing that catchy 80′s song.

  2. therangersfan permalink
    October 29, 2010 10:24 am

    The comment before mine is condescending and just plain wrong.

    Frowny face.

  3. Rob permalink
    October 29, 2010 3:21 pm

    First of all, I AM from Long Island and we do not put heavy emphasis on the G. People from Manhattan who pronounce the word do. Secondly, you cannot compare Stanley Cups between these teams because the Habs are an original 6 team, and have been around since i think 1915 or something? The Isles have been around since 1972. So yeah, you should have more championships. It’s simple math. Also, watch any game the Isles play at an opposing venue (except MTL) and notice how many Isles jerseys you see in the crowd. There are many. Also, to say that Montreal fans are the smartest hockey fans anywhere is absolutely ridiculous, and you make yourself sound like a moron just saying that.
    And finally, you cant make up a jersey, and make it super ugly, and say you should not be a fan of that team because of a made up jersey. Get your head out of your ass.

    • October 29, 2010 3:25 pm

      Don’t be mad. We’re just having fun. Aren’t you having fun?

      I was almost on board with your comment and was like, “alright, I see what he means” until the 2 final sentences.

      You’re so far off and missed the point so much it’s painful to finish reading.

    • October 29, 2010 3:45 pm

      Don’t you mean that you’re from Lon Gisland? ;-)

      • October 29, 2010 3:51 pm

        To clarify- more than the emphasis, the phrasing- most of the folk from there I’ve met seem to break it differently than the spelling would seem to indicate.

    • Cathy permalink
      October 29, 2010 4:12 pm

      “Also, watch any game the Isles play at an opposing venue (except MTL) and notice how many Isles jerseys you see in the crowd.”

      Or, watch any game the Isles play at home, and notice how many jerseys from other teams you see in the crowd.

  4. October 29, 2010 3:21 pm

    “Finally, a new fan needs to get up to speed as quick as possible to shed that noob smell. Are there hockey fans anywhere that know the game better than Montreal? ”

    A condisending attitude like this is exactly why it’s hard for newbs to hockey to be fans in Montreal. We’re really nice in Toronto! We won’t even boo you if you’re starting goaltender and do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meFICJYORvA

  5. October 29, 2010 3:24 pm

    I wish I had Rob’s level of understanding of humor and sarcasm.

    That guy GETS IT!

    • October 29, 2010 3:27 pm

      I didn’t think he got it…….

      OH WAIT I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

      …..

      ..

      see what *I* did there?

      HAW HAW HAW we’re hilarious.

  6. October 29, 2010 3:44 pm

    Danielle is French (the kind that’s from France). Which means she speaks French, which automatically qualifies her to work as a Montreal Canadiens coach or even in the front office.

    Mais attendez. Si elle ne parle pas québécois, comment les médias de Montréal va la traiter?

    My former next-door neighbour (and one of my best friends to boot) is a Montrealais ex-pat. I had several years worth of French through university. There are times we can be carrying on a conversation and manage to be mutually intelligible, because I learned Parisian French and he speaks Quebeçois.

    And, oh, yeah, doesn’t the French media in Montréal hate everyone?

  7. October 29, 2010 3:50 pm

    look for my reply next week @ the2manadvantage.com

  8. milburyistherealvillageidiot permalink
    October 29, 2010 3:52 pm

    I’m an Islanders fan and thought this was hysterical…only thing missing was a comment that this is probably what John Spano is wearing in the clink.

    • HotBranch permalink
      October 29, 2010 3:57 pm

      Bwahahahaha! THAT’S how you bring the funny! Don’t Trade Vinny comnbined the best of all traditional incarceration garb. All that was missing was the fisherman for the ultimate jersey foul.

  9. October 29, 2010 4:00 pm

    there will be a rebuttal post on the2manadvantage.com on monday

  10. October 29, 2010 4:01 pm

    sorry about the double post

  11. October 29, 2010 4:35 pm

    I saw ol’ Gorton peeking his bearded mug out at us on the shoulder patch. Well played, DTV.

    Personally, I think that the Isles are a perfectly acceptable choice for hockey fandom. You guys and we guys are the only teams with four consecutive Stanley Cups, right? Also, you foisted Kirk Muller on us, so you owe us one. Danielle’s fanship will do nicely.

    Danielle – you see how Montreal treated Mark Streit, and how much happier he is as an Islander, right? You see how the rest of the team is taking care of things while he’s hurt? We’re family. We also haven’t sold the naming rights to our arena like the Molson Bell Forum Centre.

    • scagneti permalink
      October 29, 2010 4:47 pm

      Really Nightfly? No one on the Habs would have taken Streit out like Moulson. Just sayin’.

      • October 29, 2010 9:42 pm

        Take him out? You guys didn’t even want him around! And in all seriousness, Moulson didn’t “take him out,” that was the kind of bumping you see all the time in practices. Streit fell awkwardly and got to be the one in a million guy who gets seriously hurt on the play. He didn’t run him, they just bumped. Sim did worse to DiPietro in the same scrimmage and, fragile as he is, Rick was fine.

  12. Amanda permalink
    October 29, 2010 5:51 pm

    Reading some of these comments gave me a headache. Apparently your satirical turn is beyond some people. I thought the post was hilarious.

  13. Rob permalink
    October 29, 2010 6:11 pm

    The post was pretty good, almost all of my comment (except for the part about the Jersey) was directed to the first comment on the story. Honestly, any level of creative, ammusing criticism by Habs fans (like the person who wrote this post) is welcome after the splash page saying “No Habs No!” on the Isles webpage. I was referring to the first comment to the story in my post. I dont see how you all missed that. I mean really, it isn’t that hard to understand. I laughed all the way through reading this (and was also hoping for a picture of the outrageously hot Danielle to see whether she would look better in a Habs jersey or an Isles jersey only to be dissapointed), but the object of my annoyance that led to my first post came from the first comment that was left.

  14. Pat permalink
    October 30, 2010 12:02 pm

    As an Islanders fan since 72 I had a good laugh reading why Danielle should become a Habs fan. Next I’ll give my reasons why she should stay an Islanders fan.

    First since Danielle is absolutely gorgeous she will fit right in with the rest of us Islander fans.
    Second, Something great has to be said for Long Island since thousands of Canadiens fans come here like birds migrating south for the winter every time you play here.
    Third, you can keep your P.K. Subban. You can’t have our John Tavares / End of story.
    Fourth, It’s so much more fun rooting for the underdog because when they win it makes it all the more sweeter.
    Fourth, If you really care about your boyfriend rooting for the same team makes it a lot easier to get along.
    And last but best of all. It’s just sooo much fun hating the New York Rangers!!!!

    • theactivestick permalink*
      October 30, 2010 6:11 pm

      Much thanks, Pat, saw your post on LLHockey.
      Yes, one of the miscreants from 2manadvantage is D’s boyfriend. Can’t wait to see his rebuttal Monday!

  15. Pat permalink
    October 31, 2010 8:51 am

    Me too. Just thought it would be funny to see the reasons Islander fans could come up with too. The only thing missing is a picture of Daniellle. I wonder if she realizes all the attention she’s getting. LOL

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