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What I learned this summer: the Good Girl’s Guide to the Offseason

August 31, 2010

Training camps is days away. Days away. Okay, more days than I am implying there. Angel

Anyway, in an effort to make hockey start quicker, I’m just going to pretend the off-season is over, all denial-like, and tell you all the things I have learned this summer. In convenient bullet point format (!!!).

  • People who are good to you during the season will also be good to you in the summer. Sometimes better. Thank you for reading.
  • It is easier than you thought to go back and forth between Montreal and Toronto.
  • That said, it is not okay to date within the division and you should keelhaul any of your friends that insist on doing it, even though you are also happy for them because they are both lovely people.
  • It doesn’t matter if someone is a Bruins fan or a Leafs fan if they are a universally awesome person.
  • You can bill yourself as a hockey-related ridiculosity blog all you want, people will still come up to you to ask what’s up with the Carey Price contract negotiations and that will make you feel kind of cool.
  • Even if the game in question turns out to be sinfully underwhelming, a Toronto Blue Jays game is a fun way to spend a few hours and you may feel really sad that people consistently miss out on that.
  • Put down the wine, or you may end up buying hockey merchandise you will regret.
  • If you happen to currently be regretting a Jonathan Toews jersey, I may be able to help you out.
  • Summer is a really good time to reevaluate who you follow on Twitter. Eklund, Steve Simmons, Damien Cox…  all they are is noise and you don’t need to know what they have to say. I promise.
  • Ditto for anybody on any public forum who whines incessantly or says anything catty or hurtful about anybody else.
  • That said, be quiet and drama-free about it. This is the Good Girl’s Guide after all.
  • Saltalamacchia means “The stain is jumping” in Italian.
  • Still looks hella cool on a t-shirt.
  • Saying “it ended at the same time the Toronto Maple Leafs season ended” makes it seem far, far longer than “we broke up in April” does.
  • Hockey rumours and speculation are actually incredibly bad for you. Get off the internet and go play softball.
  • Nobody cares that you don’t have faith in your own abilities. Shut up and keep blogging.
  • MMA is not the most boring thing in the world.
  • When there is enough beer.
  • Plan as many hockey road trips as you can afford. A trip to the HHOF counts.
  • If he is not good for you, leave him. If your job is making you sick, leave it. Do not waste your time being unhappy.
  • Make friends with a Chicago Blackhawks fan or two. You won’t regret it.
6 Comments leave one →
  1. Happy Girl permalink
    August 31, 2010 9:23 am

    Love it! Except for the part where you say to put down the wine. I put it down, down in my tummy. Does that count? :)

  2. Amanda permalink
    August 31, 2010 7:24 pm

    As a Chicago Blackhawks fan I can totally agree with the last point! :) Love the blog keep it up! I plan on getting my Eastern Conference inside track from you!

  3. August 31, 2010 8:50 pm

    Who is Phil Kessel?

    • August 31, 2010 11:23 pm

      +1

      wow, i find myself agreeing with habs fans a lot this week. mostly about the leafs, but still….bleagh. dirty dirty.

  4. September 8, 2010 9:13 am

    Aw, shucks…thanks for the love.

    Next time we have you on, we’re going to make you say “penisloaf” at least 10 times.

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